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Author Topic: Musician Jokes  (Read 16711 times)

Offline KOK

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #30 on: November 10, 2005, 04:11:27 AM »
How do you know if a guitarist is at a party?
He is going to tell you.
06 MOJO natural

Musician Jokes

Offline sfw

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #31 on: November 11, 2005, 10:01:41 AM »
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1, no 3, no 5.

-s

P-38
Kinman Fender Starcaster
Yamaha FG-410
Roland MicroCube
Barbie Electric w/matching mic
- Scott

PM10; Few Nitefly's; Franken-Fenders
Wiggles Murray, Barbie Electric w/matching mic, American Idol electric, Pink Hello Kitty

Musician Jokes

Offline Rozz

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #32 on: December 15, 2005, 07:20:18 PM »
I heard this one from a senior citizen:

What happens when a dead head quits taken psychodellics?  They ask "what the hell is that awfull music?"

Jerry Rosner
Original Yuma, Arizona Mad Man
Emerald Green Fly Classic
P-36
Gibson Chet Atkins Nylon
Vetta II
Gallien Kruger Guitar Amp through 4X10 Yamaha Cab.
Jerry Rosner
Original Yuma, Arizona Mad Man
Emerald Green Fly Classic
P-36
Gibson Chet Atkins Nylon
Line Six Vetta II
Genz Benz Shannandoah Acoustic Amp.  4X10

Musician Jokes

Offline splitfinger

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #33 on: December 16, 2005, 03:47:16 PM »
so thesse two guys walk into a bar.....














i forget the punchline but your moms a whore.

yo.
 

Musician Jokes

Offline Bill

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #34 on: December 16, 2005, 10:29:27 PM »
Subtle differeces between guitarists and drummers: Only one out of 10,000 guitarists can fill a stadium; but 9,999 drummers out of 10,000 could empty one. [|)]

Fly Deluxe 2000;Gibson es 137;       AlverezYari '75; SchecterDisposable; Martin Backpacker
A few Flys in my soup

Musician Jokes

Offline bostjan

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #35 on: December 17, 2005, 01:44:58 AM »
how can you sound good with a les paul?
sell it and buy a parker.

why do some bands have two drummers?
so they can keep each other company not showing up for practice.

what's the difference between lead guitar and bass guitar?
nothing, the lead guitar only looks smaller because the guy playing it has a big head.

how do you make your bass player sound better?
turn off his amp.

how do you make your drummer sound better?
shoot him.

why do bands have keyboards in them?
so they don't spill beer on their amps.
 

Musician Jokes

Offline guitarmanuk

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #36 on: November 19, 2006, 03:30:01 PM »
Following a request on another threas to "bump" this up top again, here are a few more.

An anthropologist decides to investigate the natives of a far-flung tropical island. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the anthropologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."

Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the anthropologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide: "The Drums have stopped, what happens now?"

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "Bass Solo".


What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

What do you call a musician who doesn't have a girl friend?
Homeless!

Thank you, I'll be here all week! [:D]

David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green

www.dancineasy.co.uk my wedding/function band
www.saxandguitar.co.uk my sax and guitar duo
David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green
1997 Parker Fly Concert Butterscotch

Musician Jokes

Offline guitarmanuk

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #37 on: November 19, 2006, 04:16:12 PM »
My bass player just sent me this one:

A guitarist had a New Year's gig with his band. It was going very well. The band was enjoying it, the audience was digging it and the club owner was ecstatic. "Hey, you guys are great!" the club owner exclaimed, "I'd like book you for next New Year's Eve next year. Are you available?" "As a matter of fact we are," answered the guitarist. "Well, consider it booked then!" "Thanks very much," answered the guitarist, "Is it all right if I leave my gear here?"
 


David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green

www.dancineasy.co.uk my wedding/function band
www.saxandguitar.co.uk my sax and guitar duo
David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green
1997 Parker Fly Concert Butterscotch

Musician Jokes

Offline Lwinn171

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #38 on: November 19, 2006, 10:12:18 PM »
What's the difference between a jazz musician and an extra large pizza? An extra large pizza can feed a family of four...

Lawrence Winn
"42.7 percent of all statistics are made-up on the spot."
2001 Fly Classic, Green
Larivee Parlour Guitar
Several inferior others
Mesa Boogie MK IV
Marshall 2-12 cab

Lawrence Winn
2001 Classic, 98 Deluxe
various amps, various toys

Musician Jokes

Offline guitarmanuk

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #39 on: November 20, 2006, 11:43:39 AM »
Stevie Wonder is playing a gig in Tokyo. . .

He's just finished playing his Seventies classic Sir Duke. The crowd is still going wild when a young Japanese man at the front says, "Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord, you play a jazz chord!" So Stevie plays an F# minor 7 on his keyboard and goes off on a jazz riff.

The Japanese man says, "No Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord!" So Stevie tries an A maj 13 and off he goes with the band on this amazing improvised moment. When he's finished, the lad says, "No Stevie, a jazz chord, a jazz chord!"

By now old Stevie is a little confused. "What do you mean, play a jazz chord? I've just done 2 for you..?" he says to the fan. "But it best song of Stevie Wonder! It bery famous!" comes the reply. Ok, well how does it go then?", enquires the blind musical genius.

The young Japanese man clears his throat and starts to sing:

"A jazz chord.............to say, I ruv you..."


David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green

www.dancineasy.co.uk my wedding/function band
www.saxandguitar.co.uk my sax and guitar duo
David

1997 Parker Fly Classic transparent Teal Green
1997 Parker Fly Concert Butterscotch

Musician Jokes

jwrooker

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #40 on: December 10, 2006, 07:00:13 AM »
quote:
Originally posted by Bill

Ok Here is a new one.


How do you drive an uptight white boy nuts ?

Give him a Parker Fly, a Vox AD**VT, and a D-Tar Moma Bear and tell him to find the best tone.


If someone could write a mathematical formula for the number of tone variations produced by the various combinations of these 3 things , they could possibly win a Nobile Prize.





In this house, it's called "How to keep a moron busy for hours"  [:D]



[img=left]http://jwrooker.com/images/parkerforum/sig.jpg[/img=left]
John Rooker
Rochester, NY
98 Fly Classic Emerald Green

Musician Jokes

Offline Bill

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #41 on: December 10, 2006, 03:36:21 PM »
quote:
Originally posted by Wilmington only

How can you tell when there's a chick singer at the front door?
Can't find her key, doesn't know when to come in.

What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
His amp.

What do you say to a banjo player in a 3-piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise

A guy walks in on a wake at a local bar. He's met at the door by one of the patrons who explains that they're mourning an accordion player who died peniless. The patron asks the guy if he can spare five dollars to help bury an accordion player.
The guy hands the patron a ten and says "here, bury two"

A sax player walks past a bar.......
Stop laughing, it could happen

There's no money above the fifth fret




[:D][:D][:D][:D] Great ones !




Custom '03 Hardtail Artist ; Fly Deluxe 2000; Gibson ES137; 1974 K.Yari DY85; SchecterDisposable; Martin Backpacker/paddle combo;LarriveeParlor;VoxAD30VT;SWR California Blonde
A few Flys in my soup

Musician Jokes

Offline Mad955i

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #42 on: December 12, 2006, 07:30:51 AM »
Q. How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One two, one two.
 

Musician Jokes

Offline jamrcat

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #43 on: February 03, 2007, 12:11:10 PM »
Here's one I can relate to! [:D]


01' Parker Fly Classic w/SD Black Backs
05' Parker TR P-36 Modified w/SD's
Korg AX1500G, D-Tar Mama Bear

jamrcat
Butte, Montana
"A Fly for each hand!"

Musician Jokes

Offline Bill

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Musician Jokes
« Reply #44 on: December 12, 2007, 08:30:15 PM »
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A: A tattoo.


Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
 

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.


Custom '03 Hardtail MoJarzio(Mojo with stock Dimarzio's); Custom '03 Hardtail Artist;Custom '98 Artist w Duncans;Ruby Red Fly Deluxe 2000; Gorgeous Gibson ES137(4sale); 1974 K.Yari DY85; SchecterDisposable; Martin Backpacker/paddle combo;VoxAD30VT;SWR California Blonde
A few Flys in my soup